Thoughts on the Way

An introduction

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This blog is the story of my journey with my God. It’s honest, it’s real, it’s raw, and it comes from my heart. I hope it will help you connect more deeply to the Divine, to whatever God you believe in, to whatever spirituality you support…. and, above all, to reconnect you to LOVE

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My Story

MY STORY – 2009 – changing the pattern

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In the middle of 2009 I took a few days out to consider where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do with the rest of the year. This is what came…..this is what I am making happen…

The rest of this year will be a time of action & adventure – of being on fire…

Remember – “Behold – I make all things new” Revelation 21:5

My deepest desires:

I choose to be on stage, leading, teaching, pioneering
I choose to be on fire, blazing, alive
I choose to be in an intimate loving relationship with a beautiful woman
I choose to be close to God
I choose to experience miracles and live as a supernatural being
I choose to live a life of freedom & adventure
I choose to have true financial, emotional and spiritual freedom
I choose to follow the path of the heart
I choose to fulfil my true potential
I choose to love people and change the world
I choose to live in a different way

A year of ….

Adventures with God
Romance
Excitement &Adventure
Change
Healing
Miracles & Magic
Abundance & Wealth
Travel & journeys
New friends
Intuition and knowing
Courage & power & determination
Peace, Love, Joy, Wisdom, Healing, Power
Being the Gift

By the end of 2009 I have. . .

Paid off my debts in full
Built a respected & successful training & personal development business that unites heart, mind & spirit
Bought a bright red VW Scirocco
An income of over £5,000 per month
Be in a loving intimate relationship
Had exciting travels & adventures
Reached 13st 5lb
Stepped into my true gift & purpose
Got to a new level of spiritual intuition
Built a community around me
Moved home

Where I choose to…

Deepen my spirituality & friendship with God
Have romances and fall in love into a deep and intimate relationship
Step into spiritual leadership
Build a second income stream
Be love peace joy healing wisdom and power to people
Have a nice home and a nice car
Be on stage and in the public eye
Be on fire
Be the shaman, the seer, the magician, the sage, the ruler

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My Story

MY STORY – the year of pain

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2008 was a disastrous year for me in many ways, as I struggled to keep myself ahead of the tide of disasters that befell me. And it hurt. Early in 2009, I penned this list of everything that had ‘gone wrong’ in my life that year

* My mother had a massive stroke
* I ran up £30,000 in credit card debt
* I discovered I would have to lose my house
* I discovered I would have to lose my business
* I discovered I would have to go bankrupt
* I was investigated by HMRC and found to owe £2000 in tax
* I fell badly in love with someone – and couldn’t let go of that dream
* I didn’t manage to fall for anyone else – I had no real relationship in 2008
* I started – and then dropped out of – the Inter faith seminary
* I wasted far too much time on the Internet
* I wasted time looking for jobs when I could have built my business
* I didn’t spend enough time with God
* I lost two cars that I really like and now drive a ‘banger’
* My brother’s company was restructured so his life became uncertain
* My son lost his job
* I’ve not been able to support my family as I want
* I had to drop out of some holidays because I couldn’t pay for them
* I’ve not been having holidays or adventures
* I stopped volunteer work at Sue Ryder
* I didn’t sell my book to a publisher
* I didn’t sell my books to many people
* I didn’t sell my courses to many people
* I’ve not been out there running courses
* I’ve not managed to give my youngest son a birthday present yet
* four bikes got stolen
* I got dissed by my mentor and hero in an event in public
* I’ve seriously debated suicide
* Christmas was crap – not enough money
* I continually lived in fear of creditor phone calls
* I continually lived in fear of my bank card being rejected
* Jobs I thought I would get I failed to get
* I ended up with a crap job for poor pay
* Lots of my 2008 goals and dreams went unmet

Now, I feel the need to balance this up with ‘and this is what went right’ – and I am not going to. I could tell you how it’s going to be different – and I am not going to. Because I need to face the pain and let it hurt.. Not try to fade it or fix it or gloss it over. This lot HURT badly and was very painful -and it is what it is. This may look like someone with a touch of ‘poor old me’. And it isn’t. Because despite all that, despite the crap and the agony and the sheer fucking heartbreak of all of this…. I’m still here. I’m still fabulous, I am still incredible, and Who I Am has grown bigger and brighter and more powerful during the year. I’ve held it together – and triumphed.

Through all of this has come a newer and clearer relationship with my Creator. Through this has come a clearer idea of my destiny and my truth. My friends don’t see a little, battered, defeated man- they see someone who is prepared to look at all that life has to offer, all that life throws at me and says ‘I AM WHO I AM’. The people who are close to me don’t look at me and feel pity – they look at me and feel pride in knowing me. They see someone who is prepared to roar – but someone who is prepared to admit his hurt, his scars. They know that ‘Tim’ is not what’s happened to me – but who I am inside – and the pain, and the fire, and the horror, and the heartbreak, have simply made me angry – the sort of passionate, righteous, holy, purifying anger that makes something happen.

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Thoughts

THOUGHTS – Living from the heart

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One of my mentors and teachers, Julie, recently challenged me to change the way I was living. She believed that I was spending far too much time in my head, and not enough in my heart. What she meant was that my thinking was guiding all my decisions – which is OK, because at least it’s rational thought. But the higher place, considering who I want to be, is to live from my heart – to live from a place of love, a place where my soul guides me as to what works and what doesn’t.

Now, while the mind can make judgements about what it knows, it can’t make judgements about what it doesn’t. Yet our hearts act as a doorway between the physical world and the unseen world. And that means that our hearts have access to far more wisdom, far more knowledge, far more experience, far more truth than our heads will ever do.

So I am learning. Slowly. What Julie advised me to do was to simply let my awareness drift down from my head to my chest area – to sense what I was feeling, what was happening inside me. As I did, then first off I would get a feeling in my heart as to whether that was right or not – whether I was living at peace with myself, or I was living in conflict with myself. If I am on the right path, then I feel at peace with myself. I might feel nervous, sure. I might feel tense, or angry, or any one of a myriad emotions. But at my core, at a heart level, I will be at peace with myself.

Once I know that, then I have access to more information. I can ask my heart about anything, knowing that it will respond to my every thought, and will provide the answers in a way that I can hear them.

A brilliant brilliant book on this is Jack kornfield’s Path of the Heart. Jack is an American Buddhist teacher who really knows how to get in touch with heart level ‘beingness’. Another surprising teacher is Drunvalo Melchizedek, with his book “Living in the Heart”.

Am I good at listening to my heart…. Absolutely not. But my heart is, as Julie observes, starting to run a big chunk of the show. And as I meditate and pray, my heart starts to run even more of the show, starts to connect me to another realm. And I become calmer, more peaceful, more connected to those around me and more loving.

So, yet again, I am learning. Slowly… but I am getting there.

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My Story Observations

OBSERVATIONS – Letting Go

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One of the things I became convinced of recently was that I needed to start to let go… and various things conspired to teach me this.

One of my all time heroes and favourite teachers and authors is Neale Donald Walsch. Neale has an incredible connection to God, and his daily inspirational newsletter ‘On this day’ is usually spot on for the challenges I am facing, or imparting some learning that I need.

The other day, Neale wrote:

On this day of your life, Tim, I believe God wants you to know…

….that yearning for a new way will not produce it. Only ending the old way can do that.

You cannot hold onto the old all the while declaring that you want something new. The old will defy the new; the old will deny the new; the old will decry the new.

There is only one way to bring in the new. You must make room for it.

And for me, that was huge.

You see, there are two principles going on here – the first is simply that we need to create a vacuum in our lives in order for things to happen. We need to let go of what we have in order to take hold of new stuff. We need to let go of the riverbank in order to set off on our journey down the river. We need to clear out stuff that’s no longer serving us in order to move into the new.

And secondly, we need to create movement. Without movement we become stuck, unable to create, unable to change things. Without some movement in our lives… well, nothing happens.

For me, right now, it’s quite draughty. The wind of change is blowing round me, and sometimes it’s quite unnerving – like walking along a cliff top edge when the wind is gusting, and you feel that at any moment you could be blown off that cliff, and crash to the jagged rocks below.

There are things changing for me in financial terms, as I consider how to deal with various financial challenges that I face, and do that with integrity and yet with a desire to move on. There are things changing for me in relationships – new possibilities, new friends, new romance, maybe. I’m moving home, from my nice comfortable 3 bedroom house into a flat (or a Winnebago… the whole idea of being in constant movement appeals to me). My eldest son is moving out – and my youngest is going to be going back to university. My moving home brings new friends and leaves other precious friends behind. I may let go of my business, of my plans, of my career. I may let go of my business, and the investment that lies in that. I may let go of my calling, my purpose – to discover something new. And there are some things that I am deliberately changing – the music I am listening to, the clothes that I am wearing, the books I am reading. I am changing my behaviours, my beliefs, my attitudes (more on that soon!).

And I am letting go of the need to behave a certain way, the need to BE certain things: The need for faith in God. The need to be a good dancer. The need to be in a relationship. The need to be a good father, a provider. The need to grow, the need to own a business. The need to lead and to teach. The need to have money. The need to be free.

I’m starting to hold these things loosely, recognising that they don’t really matter….

It’s a little bit scary… and yet exhilarating. It creates freedom, it creates movement, it creates the opportunity for new life. Anything could happen – and probably will! And THAT will be very, very cool.

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My Story Visionary Thought

MY STORY – Why “HeartStorm”

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A friend of mine asked me the other day why I’d called my web site ‘HeartStorm’. It was a good question – and the short answer is ‘because I felt led to’. It seemed, somehow, that that’s what I was being asked to create – and that through that name, something would arise.

I’ve always loved the power of the storm- sometimes a storm is full of power, and passion, full of fury, and danger – and sometimes it is, as my wonderful friend Heather put it “It feels as if it’s kissing and caressing me with change, affection and warm good fortune. It’s invigorating and lovely as it strokes and touches. It protects and also challenges. It is an intelligent, suggestive and tempestuous wind that won’t suffer fools gladly and which loves a good challenge and fight. It can hurt but it also cares. It puts its heart into every gust and with its warmth it refreshes and reinvigorates.”

And yet for many of us we find ourselves in the midst of a turbulent storm. Everything seems to be changing around us. We seem to be at the mercy of the elements – of financial pressure, emotional pressure, of uncertainty over our jobs, our relationships, our homes, our livelihoods. Change is happening at an unprecedented rate. The things we held on to seem to be torn away – just like a tornado will tear a town to shreds.

What is our response to be in the midst of this turmoil? When our minds are occupied with what might happen, when all we can see is the potential for disaster?

The answer is inside us… in our hearts. You see, our hearts have a bigger connection. They see the world, and they see our lives, but they are also the gateway to infinity, connecting us to an infinite resource that is bigger than any earthbound challenge that may be thrown at us. Somewhere at the core of who we are we know this… somewhere we know the immensity of the connection that our hearts provide.

As I was thinking and meditating this morning I could actually see this – almost as if my heart opened up and revealed a connection into the totality of the Universe. And at that point I started to begin to see a little bit more of who I am.. not just this mind and this body, but this infinite being, connected to everything… and everyone.

So HeartStorm is about reminding us that there is a place of peace in the middle of the storm… right at the centre, in the middle of the maelstrom, there is a place of safety, where we can be certain, where we can know that we are bigger than anything that this world can throw at us. In the heart of the storm.. there is safety. And yet there is movement, vibrancy, life, transition, change…

I want to use HeartStorm to bring peace. Peace in people’s hearts, peace in their lives, peace in the world. Not because nothing changes, not because all is calm… but because the storm rages, we can know , absolutely, that we are loved, we are cared for, we are protected.

You can see more at www.heartstorm.org – but don’t buy anything yet – the links don’t work!

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Visionary Thought

VISION – what needs building?

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Last October, I attended a retreat run by Neale Donald Walsch, in the beautiful location of Gaunts House in Dorset. On the evening of the last day, we had a concert where the lovely Muriel was singing. As I just watched the group of 60 odd folk gathered from all walks of life, I was moved to create a space where people could gather together and simply enjoy a spiritual experience – without needing to subscribe to a particular dogma or creed, without needing to conform – but simply a place where they could be themselves.

As I was out walking and meditating the other day, I started to understand some more of what needed to be created…. to understand what might be called ‘The Gathering’. Although it might not!

Creating this has been high on my heart’s agenda, and recently I have been hearing the call of God to create this kind of event – a place where people can, above all, experience God, connect with each other, and experience Love.

So here’s the start of a manifesto… where people can come and be free, be loved, be accepted.

I believe in a space

– where people are accepted
– where love triumphs
– where miracles happen
– where people can grow
– where people feel safe
– where love and service can flow
– where people can find God
– where people can hear God speak
– where people are blessed
– where people can be healed

By creating a space of love where people can meet God, we will be changing lives and changing the world, with leadership, training, personal and spiritual transformation that enables people to reach their incredible potential.

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Thoughts

THOUGHTS – Does it matter?

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You know, it actually doesn’t matter whether you believe any of this stuff. In fact, it doesn’t matter to me whether this stuff is real either. When I was doing my NLP training, my trainer said something that really made me stop and think. You see, we as humans seem obsessed with ‘truth’. We want to seek out the genuine ‘truth’ behind something. And maybe that’s important and maybe it isn’t – and here’s why.

I trained as a Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, which means that we went pretty deep into how the conscious and unconscious minds work. In NLP, we learn a whole series of ‘Presuppositions’ – principles on which NLP is founded, the core precepts of you like that lay the foundations for everything else. Things like ‘the meaning of communication is the result you get’ and ‘there is no failure, only feedback’. (There are some truly lifechanging presuppositions that are the core of NLP, and if you want to know more, book on an NLP course – in fact, I’m considering running one myself, probably called “It’s NLP, but not as you know it”).

Anyway, what my trainer said was “I don’t know if this is true or not, but what I do know is the effects that believing it produce in my life”.

So, I have no real way of knowing if God exists or not. I have no real way of knowing if the things I do in pursuit of God are the best or not. But what I do is to look and see if I like the effects they are having. Does believing this make me more positive (yes). Does believing this make me more loving (yes). Does believing this give me more hope (yes). Do other people like the person that I am (yes).

So, in the end, if my beliefs, and my values, and my behaviours produce these sort of results in my life, it doesn’t really matter if it’s true or not, does it? And, sure, I believe that God is real. I believe that we are all ‘God’. I believe that there is no ‘death’. I believe that we can change the world around us. I believe so much – and in so much magic and wonder, power and freedom – and much of it we will explore in the coming weeks and months in this blog.

And yet, provided that what I believe is helping me be more loving, more able to help people, more able to help myself, making me more confident, more capable, more full of hope, and life, and joy, and freedom – then, in a sense, whether or not it is ‘true’ isn’t the important thing. Because I like the effects that it produces.

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My Story

MY STORY – early memories

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Thinking back, my spiritual journey began at a very early age… but it would only be much later in my life that I realised how significant some of those moments were. My parents weren’t particularly spiritual, and apart from a couple of weeks at Sunday School (I hated it!) I used to get dragged along to church once a year on Remembrance Sunday. My uncle had been killed in the war so my father used to take us along in memory of him. It was cold, it was uncomfortable, and it was boring.

The earliest event I can recall that had some sense of the magical to it was when I was left in my pram outside the local post office. Now they had a milk machine there (this was before the days of Coke vending, guys) and I just started to press the buttons. Incredibly, milk cartons started landing in my pram.

It wasn’t until much later in my life that I realised the link with how interconnected I was with machines – a kind of modern day shaman, if you like – someone who has such a tight affinity with technology and machinery that it responds almost magically to me.

Another event I didn’t understand the significance of was at junior school. Every year at the Christmas party, we would have a fancy dress parade. I chose to go as Mercury, the messenger of the Gods, with my winged hat, my winged boots, and a toga. Probably best that you don’t try to imagine it. Now, local kids being who they are, they simply didn’t ‘get’ it and laughed me out of the parade. It took me a long, long time to lose the story of being laughed at because I’d tried to be different, because I had tried to stand out.. because I had tried to be true to my identity. I suspect that somewhere in my being I decided never to stand out in the same way again – never to risk being the subject of people’s jokes, never to risk ridicule… and so, like so many of us, I began the journey towards shrinking down and settling for second best.. of not letting my true awesomeness out.

But somewhere in my heart I knew who I was. I knew the job I had to do. I knew, deep down inside, that part of my role on this planet was to be a bridge, to be someone who would look to stand in the gap and help to bring God’s presence into people’s lives – someone who would, eventually, seek to be a man who wanted to bring one simple message… “Remember Who You truly Are”.

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Thoughts

THOUGHTS – Independence Day

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Today, I was supposed to be running a relationship event for people who wanted to look at taking back their personal power in their relationships.. Which, sadly, got cancelled. But it has given me chance to think about independence…and that may have been the real cosmic reason for organising the event in the first place.

On 1st July this year I started to look at some of the things that I wanted to achieve in the second half of the year, and what actions I would need to take towards them. And yet it seemed like more than that for me – it seemed like a new beginning – a chance to let go of what had been in order to step into something new.

I took some decisions – to decide to move into my own personal power – to reveal more of ‘who I am’ so that others will have the power to step into more of who they are. So that others can live the dream – so that others can marvel at the wonder of Who They Truly Are.

I sensed that I needed to start to make every moment count – to let every moment reflect my reason for being alive.

The United States of America chose to DECLARE their independence – in the face of history, in the face of world opposition, in the face of everything that HAD been, they chose to make a new future – to create a new beginning.

And in the end, this morning I realised that this was a day to declare my independence . . .

Freedom from fear
Freedom from the need to be right
Freedom to love others
Freedom from financial insecurity
Freedom to believe
Freedom to build my own truth
Freedom to live where I want
Freedom to choose to be in love
Freedom to be myself
Freedom to be happy and joyful
Freedom to follow God wherever God takes me
Freedom to let life unfurl me across the Universe
Freedom to lead people
Freedom to live an exciting life
Freedom from my own expectations
Freedom from the expectation of others
Freedom to allow God to reveal truth to me
Freedom to pick myself up and start again
Freedom to think for myself
Freedom to hold any dream I want
Freedom to do something – or not to do it
Freedom from the need to fit in

We do get to choose, you know. Not to decide is to decide – the very act of not deciding is, in itself, a decision. We are where we are because we have chosen to be there – in our hands lies the power to change what’s true for us.

So what will you declare today? What will YOUR statement of independence be? Where will YOU choose the freedom and liberation that is yours by right as a child of God? Where will you choose to step into possibility – and write your own future?

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