On the road–warning… deep thoughts

Being around the Brisbane area has helped me see what it’s like for people who have found their lives ruined, and there was a huge sense of compassion that went out from me to them – to have your livelihood destroyed, to have everything you own taken from you: your home destroyed, your possessions lost or destroyed…. and I heard the echoes of my own experience too.

Many of you reading this blog have seen the incredible joy that I have had in the experience… how much, perhaps, I have grown through the adventure – the sights I have seen, the wonders I have known, the thrills and the joys I have had. And it has been absolutely incredible – I have felt hugely blessed through the experience.

Sunrise on the last day (18)

But there have been darker moments too. And it would not be truly honest of me if I didn’t talk about the tough times.

One of the reasons I am actually ON this adventure is that my coaching business wasn’t as successful as I would have wanted – although people who worked with me loved the results that they got, there weren’t enough clients to pay the bills. Marketing myself (and actually believing in myself) wasn’t a strong point. Although the books I had written were well received, with one coaching company wanting to make ‘Jump Start Your Coaching Business’ part of their workshops, and with a number of publishing companies very interested in ‘Free Your Mind’ – none of those ventures took off. I closed ‘The Inspiration Centre’ as a business in 2010. I see, now, having stepped away from it all, that I had been thinking too small, limiting myself – and so when I get back I will be wanting to do things very differently – with much more power, much more energy – and much more belief in who I am and what I bring to the world. Of which more another time perhaps. There are some very exciting things that I have planned.

The failure of that business led me into some financial difficulties too, mainly because I didn’t succeed in getting back to work despite trying hard (10 months of applications, and several months of Job Seeker’s allowance) – I’d been out of IT for too long, but overqualified for other opportunities. A failed joint business venture with a friend led to me choosing (very) early retirement just to create some security in my life. All of this, I know in my heart, is simply leading me to true mission and purpose – almost as if the Universe knew that if any of those things had been successful, then I would not have looked for something bigger, more dramatic – more true to myself, and with a bigger impact on the world’s stage. These experiences, although painful, have led me to who I am today – and so I embrace them as being stepping stones on a journey into my own truth.

So this adventure has been an opportunity to take a break from that – to interrupt the pattern, if you will.

And, really, that experience has also brought me into a deeper relationship with the Divine Force at the centre of the Universe. I do not believe I would be where I am without that experience.

So now, I have let go of my home, and most of my possessions – my books, my synths, some oddments of furniture are in storage.. but not much of that is really particularly precious to me. I have always been more about the experience of being alive – about the joys, the experiences, the people, the friendships, the impact I am having – about what I am BEING rather than what I HAVE.

So the whole process of stepping into this adventure has not been easy. Add to that the fact that I have had to leave my family behind, and have not been able to be there for them in some ways, has made this a very difficult decision to take. .. and on occasion I am haunted by the feeling that I am running away – and also that I can’t do much about starting my business while I am travelling.

On occasion I miss my family a lot – my boys and I have become very close over the last few years, and not seeing them has been hard. There are also people that I miss too – friendships that were growing, old friends that I have become very close to, the sense of family. I miss dancing, too, and all those wonderful people I know through dance.  And sometimes it does get really lonely.. and just knowing that there are people out there that truly care is incredibly important.

There is a sense that a lot of things are ‘on hold’ until I get back – learning West Coast Swing or Tango, my aikido and karate training, keyboard practice, runs in the park, cycling…

And it’s not all that comfortable sometimes while I am travelling. I’m not on a huge ‘do anything’ budget and I am living a backpacker lifestyle – dorm rooms,, noodles and pasta, watching the daily budget closely. (I discovered ‘goon’ or ‘boxie’ the other day – the Australians invented wine boxes, but you can actually by alcoholic stuff in a wine box which actually isn’t CALLED wine anywhere on the box. Needless to say, this will not be an important part of my shopping).

So, I can’t simply do whatever i want. There are days when I walk rather than take a cab, take the train rather than fly. There are days when I am counting the cents/pesos/ringgits..

And yet this experience has been amazing, and I feel like the luckiest man on earth. The people I have met, the things I have seen, the insights I have gained have been unbelievable. And I haven’t GOT to Asia yet. I hope I can bring it back and use what i have learned and what i have become to help others, I really do. And I hope that just the sharing of some of this adventure will help my readers to feel just that little bit encouraged.

So, for those of you looking on with envious eyes – there has been a price to pay to have this experience. There is a price that I pay every day that I am out there – and I wouldn’t trade it. I know I am learning and growing, I know I am exactly where I need to be right now, and I know I am a richer being for all of this.

Sunrise on the last day (15)

Often, the tough times are simply opening up something even greater for us.. I have so many friends that have said the same thing to me.. so embrace those moments and look for the blessing within. It’s there. Often, when our life looks like it is falling apart, it is actually falling together. Often, when things look darkest, it is just when we are about to step into something huge, beautiful and exciting.

For each of us, if we let it, life has something incredible in store – more than we can possibly imagine….

One thought on “On the road–warning… deep thoughts

  1. Pingback: As one adventure ends….another begins « Explore The Adventure – one man's journey

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